The 'What-If's of Uni
26 August 2004 // 6:41 p.m.Well, I got into the University that I wanted to go to - what a relief! Results Day was one of the most nerve-wracking things I've ever been through, but in the end it was alright.
I got 3 A grades and a B, and so I was accepted at my first choice of University.
This is happy news, I know. It's a great city and a great Psychology department. I also get to continue my studies in French, which is great. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to afford an extra course.
But I'm left with over a month until I go (11th October) and I'm terrified.
On the one hand, going to Uni will be great. New people, new place, and a break from the monotony of my life at the moment. I know that once I get settled in, I'll have the time of my life.
It's just getting settled that's the problem.
I'm good with people. I can introduce myself and get along with people just fine, but I need a close circle of friends. The situation I have at the moment is great, but at Uni, it's just me.
How do I know who to be friends with? What if I live with a load of clubbers who just spend their time going out and drinking themselves stupid? I may drink, and I love going out to bars, but clubs? No way!
What if I end up with a bunch of dull people who never do anything? I'll be bored to tears and always wishing that I was somewhere else.
I need a happy medium, and I don't know how to find it.
And then we move on to romatic involvements. There will be many new people at University, and except for one ill-fated excuse for a relationship that did not last long. I don't know how it feels to meet someone and fall for them and have them reciprocate. I can read about it as much as I want, but for the most part I've never experienced it.
Is it strange to be scared of relationships? Not so much the emotional side, but the physical as well. Sometimes I wonder that I spend so much time reading slash that I forget that I'm female, as strange as that sounds.
What if I get to Uni, and find my dream guy/girl, but can't do anything about it because of my paralysing fear?
What if I don't meet anyone?
Sometimes I can hardly wait to set off and establish myself somewhere else. Sometimes I dread it and hope it will never come.
But it will, and I'll have to deal with it. The question is, how?
